I downloaded the document file last year in my laptop. I haven’t got the chance to read the Solangel’s fic because I don’t have time, and I don’t have any idea that it’s just awesome. So, when my class started, I’m so bored, I finally decided to give it a try. I started reading CBU last week of June and last night, August 1, 2010 exactly 11:05, I finished reading it.

Last two nights ago, I was in the climax of the story I started to feel the drama. I started to feel the tension and I feel like I wanted to read it fast so I will know the answers to the questions floating in my mind.

And when I can’t take it anymore, I texted two of my best friends. “I am currently reading a 451 pages fiction written by a bright and beyond great Korean writer… I started reading it last june and up to now, I have 78 pages more to finish and I’m freakin hurt—literally. The story, the feelings and emotions in every sentence the writer constructed just—HIT HOME. I would rather finish the story tonight than sleeping but I’m just so scared to finish the rollercoaster-ride-life of Maybelline Lee. Oh, please. I don’t want to remember how Sangwoo saved her life and now JaeWon’s going to die. I seriously need to stop myself from talking and just get some sleep. Ugh. I can’t believe it. The story was just so friggin awesome. A great story of Korean true love. Kthnksbye.” It cost me 5pesos on that SMS but at least I vented it all out.

Then I continued reading it the next night. When it’s already past 10pm my father told me to stop reading and just continue the next day. Before I went to sleep thoughts lingers on my mind. I can’t stop thinking about what will happen next. Are they gonna die? Will they finally open up their issues with each other? Is he gonna ask her to marry him?

The story is not just full of drama and whatsoever. It is not overrated story of gangs fighting over a girl. But instead, the story makes me realize that one minute you’re happy, the next minute fate will turn your world upside down. One moment, you’re happy with your special someone then suddenly out of nowhere they were gone.

It also makes me happy how the girl found the love of her life. But, we don’t really have all happy endings right? It hurts me so much as if I was the girl who lost her man who cares so much for her. April loves black coffee. Big time.

I couldn’t point out when exactly Jaewon did fell for May. So he was just pretending all along? When did he realize he likes her? This and a lot more of questions are swimming in my mind wanting to be answered.

The weird thing is, I also felt what May felt when Taehee was so worried about Jaewon. I can feel the jealousy, May.

Solangel, author of Conversations Between Us and Banana Pancakes is specifically my favourite beside Amaranth, author of My PingPong Boy. And I wanted to be exactly like her. Not because she can make her readers go “gaga” over her awesome works, how creative her mind or how seriously bright she is to described such a nice bittersweet story of love. I wanted to be like her BECAUSE she seems to be so GOOD in touching every people’s heart in just quoting simple but meaningful words. She can tell what her character wants to tell to the readers. She can pull off a dramatic scene with being so cheesy or corny. She can make unforgettable moments. And she can make me highlight her words so I can go back reading it again—literally.

Sorry for a very useless and shallow rant about how I really idolize her but deep down inside, I really salute you my favourite Korean author, Solangel.

Now, I’m done with my past thoughts before I finished the story. Now, my thoughts AFTER I finished it.

I know, when I was in the middle of the story, that JaeWon was gonna die. I actually skip on the last part so yeah, confirmed. He died. But I refuse to believe it when their story (May and JaeWon) continued to spark like the sparkles JaeWon bought for May at the convenience store before dragging her over the beach.

I started to like him because he was mysterious (I like that type of guys) and deep down inside, although he wants to cover his feelings, I know he was a good person. A good sunbae. A good son. A caring brother. A good boy friend.

Oh yeah, you figure it out he IS my favourite. But he needs to die. Because that was his fate. Because maybe if he continue to live, the two of them won’t be happy.

I cried. I cried after I finished it. I cried myself to sleep. I was crying when I woke up this morning. I was teary eyed when I read his last words to May again. ““ . . . Don’t cry. I don’t want to go . . . seeing you cry.” He still cares for her even though he was dying.

What made me cried even more was that he died in her arms. She saw how he died. And that was just cruel, unfair and soooo painful.

The pain in my heart is sooo heavy. I can’t get over it. It’s too much. EVIL. Just evil.

Relied was over me when he was able to express his feelings for May. That after all those lies, he was REAL. He tried his very best to make his APRIL happy. He was addicted to BLACK COFFEE BECAUSE OF HIS APRIL. He even smiled when he heard May telling him that she loves him so much. (okay now, my heart is aching again.)

Yeah, at least he was true, unlike Sangwoo. That guy is … wait. I can’t actually find words to describe him. And I badly wanted to go inside my laptop slap him with all my might. ( Gusto ko na din siyang daganan, if possible.) He is selfish. He is disgusting.  He represents all the evil sides of humans. I felt sad, mad, and angry and I want him to die, rot in hell like my unni said. I’m terrified at the thought that maybe someone like him exist in this REAL world. He’s the last person I would want to meet. Why do I hate him so much? Read the story. Find out how he turns to be sooo evil after being a good guy. Oh and one last thing. He’s a fcuken BASTARD. Sorry of the bad word. He deserves more than that.

Sigh. As for Hansuk, Kim Ji Yong, Taehee and those V.S.D wannabe gangsters? If they really EXIST today? I’ll pray for them. I will pray that God will guide them to the light. I’ll pray for their soul. I’ll pray for their lost souls. But I hate them. I hate them so much. If they’re not evil there is a possibility that JaeWon would be alive.

It’s difficult for me to get over the pain I am feeling right now. Because I love Jaewon. I love his awesome personality. In this world, it’s hard to find someone like him. He doesn’t even exist and that’s why I’m very sad that even in fan fics he had to die.

Yoon JaeWon.

He is like my ideal guy. He has a lot of flaws, he fights, he cursed like there is no tomorrow, but when it comes to his April, black coffee can do a lot of surprises, a lot of sweet things and sweet words, he is indeed full of surprises. I love every detail about JaeWon, I hope to meet you not someday but maybe in another life. You won’t be a fanfic character anymore. You’ll be real. =) (and I will make sure you won’t end up with May but with me. CHOS!)

Conversations Between Us like my unnies said, it is LEGENDARY. No one can replace the perfect story in my heart.

I also made a story review in my public blog. It’s quite different because this version is more long and more of Jaewon. LOL

I reckon I’m scaring you now. Maybe you think I’m being sooo weird, crying over to a unrealistic fictional character.

But come to think of it. It’s worth the time. He is worth crying for.

Rest in Peace, Yoon JaeWon. Saranghae.

APRIL LOVES BLACK COFFEE forever.

“My last words to you? I’ll never forget the way you looked at me. If I could save up my tears, I could create another ocean for the world to reckon with. And each time I would think of you, a tear would drop, and I would cause a tsunami. Our beginning was our end . . . . “